Meśa

Možda alkohol ne rešava probleme, ali ne rešava ga ni mlijeko.
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Čovek je naše najveće blago.
- Ljudožder
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Danas je teško sačuvat' obraz. Žileti su sve oštriji.
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Ja sam debeo, a ti si ružan. Ali ja držim dijetu!
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Jedite govna, nije moguće da se milioni muva varaju.
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Ide Mile Lajkovačkom prugom... Tuuu! Tuuu! Iš'o Mile Lajkovačkom prugom...
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Svoje najljepše dane proveo sam noću.
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Juče sam doletio iz Londona. Još uvijek osjećam bolove u rukama.
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Ne čačkaj mečku, aktiviraćeš alarm!
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Pozovi me bilo kada, bilo lavabo. - Bojler
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"Jebeš vojsku!" - povikaše muškarci i obukoše žene u uniforme.
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"Nije sve tako crno" - reče dželat - "Samo su ti zavezane oči...".
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Možemo li da pređemo sa Vi na tebe?
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Nije važno stić' prvi, važno je stić' prije drugog.
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Prodavačica je bila toliko lijepa da je bilo smiješno njeno pitanje:"Šta želite?".
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Rekla mi je kako se zove i sad bar znam na čemu sam.
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Imao sam nekoliko neuspjelih pokušaja, ali mnogo više promašaja.
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Danas sam sreo đevojku iz mojih snova... I reka' sam joj:"Mr'š, od tebe ne mogu mirno spavat'!".
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Toliko si ružna da ću morat' slijepo da te volim.
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Skinuo sam joj brushalter... Skinuo sam joj čarape... Skinuo sam joj gaćice... Štipaljke sam ostavio.
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Upoznaj sa moga sebe.
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Znak rak. Podznak tumor.
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Izgubio sam vjeru u sebe, vjeru u ljubav, vjeru u svijet, jedinu nadu sam naša' u igli... i sad heklam i super mi je!
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Ako ne budem tu kad smrt dođe za mene, rečite joj da pokosi onu travu iza kuće.
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Šta bi radili Romul i Rem da je umjesto vučice došao vuk?
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Racunajte na mene. - Digitron
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Volim posao, fascinira me. Mogu satima da sedim i da gledam nekoga dok radi.
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Nije sve u ljubavi. Ima nešto i u strahu od side.
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Pokvario mi se pješčani sat. Ide 3 zrnca unazad.
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Niko nije savršen. Jadni Niko.
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Žene se rumene.
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Ko uči znaće, ko jede sraće.
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Liječim sve vrste depresija. - Magnum 45
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Spasimo prirodu - ubijmo se.
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Bože, oprosti nam što si nas stvorio.
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Nikad nisam trča' za ženama. Znam da mi nijedna nikad ne bi stala.
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Volim sve što mrze stariji.
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Kad umrem, nemojte da plačete zamnom. Dovoljno će bit' da me ne psujete i pljujete.
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Spavam ka' beba. Vazda se probudim usran i popišan.
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Poznat sam po tome što volim da opraštam. Eto, baš sam prije neki dan oprostio majki što me je rodila.
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Imam zmijsko tijelo, sav sam ljigav.
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Join the army, travel the world, meet interesting people... and kill them.
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Majko, širi noge obadvije da se vratim đe sam bio prije.
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Nikad neću zaboravit' trenutak kad smo se sreli, mada se još uvijek trudim.
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Okotilo mi se pašče, rodilo 7 komada. Ne, ne prodajem ih, no tražim tu džukelu što ih je napravila da se dogovorimo oko alimentacije.
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Danas okrećem novu stranicu u životu! E jebiga, ovo bijaše zadnja strana.
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Alternativa nema alternativu!
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To think before you talk is like wiping your ass before you shit.
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S'vatio sam kako je život prolazan... Posebno ako ideš 130 na sat.
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Nenormalno normalan.
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Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint on it and he'll have to touch it to be sure.
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Drži glavu visoko. Samo tako mo'š da vidiš najvisočije reklame.
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Jednom je rekao jako poznati mudrac: daš čoveku jesti i on je sit celi dan, a pokažeš čoveku kako se obrađuje njiva on je sit celi život.. Jednom je rekao mujo zapališ čoveku vatru i bit će mu toplo celi dan, a kad zapališ čoveka bit će mu toplo celi život!
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The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.
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If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.
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I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
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Tebe treba psihijatar i psihijatar za tvojeg psihijatra.
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My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.
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God loves you, but everyone else thinks you're an asshole.
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Money talks...but all mine ever says is good-bye.
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Well aren't you a waste of two billion years of evolution.
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Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?
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Vegetarian: Definition for "lousy hunter".
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Women should not have children after 35. Really... 35 children are enough.
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I don't give a shit, but if I did, you'd be the first person I'd give it to.
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If idiots could fly this place would be an airport.
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Sačuvajte drveće, pojedite dabra.
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Nemojte da pijete i vozite. Samo pijte.
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Poša' na pivo dva. Što mu dođe tri, kad se sabere.
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Taj ni ekser ne bi zgazio.
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Recept za "Bakinu pitu": pođeš kod babe i rečeš joj: Baba, napravi mi pitu.
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Je l' ti to poslastičar jebo mater pa si tako slatka?
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Nisam ja tolko trapav kolko je sve lomljivo, sklono padu i pogrešno postavljeno.
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Zamisli oženiš se đevojkom s Fejsbuka i dođe ti njenih 1658 prijatelja na svadbu.
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Zašto se broj 2 piše sa 3 slova?
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Šta rade narkomani za Novu godinu?
- Prave vutromet.
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Spajdermen može da se penje uz zidove zato što ga je ujeo pauk, a Supermen leti zato što mu se ptica posrala na glavu.
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Ono si što jedeš vele. U tom slučaju ja sam papak, pošto jedem paštetu.
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Doktori i naučnici lažu, od ribe se deblja, što mislite, zašto su kitovi onoliki?
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Osećam se tako seksi da ću nekome da jebem mater.
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Izbrisah slučajno sve slike iz kompjutera. Sad moram da idem na sva mjesta na koja sam bio i opet se slikam.
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Kazni se. Popij bezalkoholno pivo.
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Žena Ber Grilsa: Ber, da ti podgrijem večeru? Ber: Ne! Samo se popišaj po njoj.
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Nisam pristalica seksa za jednu noć iz prostog razloga što ja ne mogu cijelu noć.
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Bratstvo i sestrstvo.
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Ne volim gužvu, džabe me zovete na orgijanje.
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Life is too short to remove USB safely.
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If I'm not cool, then does it mean that I'm hot?
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Svanuo je novi dan... A ne, čekaj, ovo neko upalio duga svjetla.
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Death metal is not dead!
Wait... Shit.
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Moj životni san je da pođem na mjesto đe ljudska noga nije kročila... i tu se popišam, da čim neko kroči ugazi u pišaćku.
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Džabe smišljate fore s Novakom Đokovićem, sve su sranje. Eto.
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That awkward moment when someone is pissing on you and you're not Japanese.
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Odavno se nisam zaplakao gledajući neki film. Mrzim filmove bez prevoda.
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I have a drinking problem. I can't afford any alcohol.
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Jebeš revoluciju, dajte nam apokalipsu.
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Dinosaurs were made up by the CIA to discourage time travel.
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If aliens are looking for intelligent life, then why the fuck are you scared for?
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Hipsters gonna hipst.
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Jebalo vas ono što vas ne ubije.
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Kako dani lete.
'Tica
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I was playing chess with my friend and he said, 'Let's make this interesting'. So we stopped playing chess.
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I needed a password eight characters long so I picked Snow White and the Seven Dwarves.
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Don't piss off Bear Grylls, he actually likes it.
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"You don't see something like this every day." Stevie Wonder
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‎"Ljubavi, da volim brkove sam bih ih pustio."