"Life sucks. Your life sucks more than most. It’s not as bad as some, which is depressing all by itself."
"Men are pigs.They will pretty much have sex with anyone, fat, skinny, married, single, complete strangers, relatives."
"A psychic once told me that I'm psychic."
"What usually happens when you poke something with a stick? It pokes back."
"I’m too handsome (or beautiful) to do paperwork"
